Today, I came across Dear Prudence, an advice column reminiscent of Dear Abby of yesteryear, but, of course, online. One topic caught my attention: snooping, and whether or not certain circumstances make it okay. A woman, who normally isn't a jealous type and didn't make a habit of checking up on her husband, came across strange activity on his cell phone while paying the bill. She found out via a reverse phone lookup that the number belongs to a woman she knew of, but the husband never mentioned having a closer relationship with her than his wife assumed. The poor woman was questioning the propriety of her actions, wondering if she'd overstepped her boundaries.
As far as "Dear Prudence" was concerned, if the wife wanted to find out if her husband was in fact cheating, she would have to broach the subject, tell him (calmly) how and what she'd found out, and give him a chance to explain, without letting him turn the tables and attack her for snooping. Since she didn't intentionally snoop, but her snooping raised some red flags, the topic of this discussion must be the uncovered evidence, not the snooping.
Which raised another question: Is snooping okay, as long as one finds something? Well, seems there is snooping, and there is snooping. While spouses still have a right to privacy, their lives are enmeshed together to such a degree that they should expect the partner to stumble on significant evidence of cheating, if it exists, in the course of normal activities, such as paying the bills. Under these circumstances, following one's intuition to protect one's interests is justified, and has been proven right on the money, time and time again.
The moral of this discussion can be tied into other similar discussions addressing the pros and cons of such "snooping" as background checks or reverse phone lookup directory vs trust. No matter how you look at it, our first responsibility is to ourselves, not the significant other who has the power to deceive and hurt us. In the case of the woman who stumbled upon suspicious phone activity, if her husband is innocent, a frank discussion may produce a reasonable explanation and strengthen their mutual trust as a result. If you look at it this way, certain healthy snooping may even be encouraged. There! Now that our conscience is clean, we all have carte blanche when it comes to such activities as a reverse phone lookup.
As far as "Dear Prudence" was concerned, if the wife wanted to find out if her husband was in fact cheating, she would have to broach the subject, tell him (calmly) how and what she'd found out, and give him a chance to explain, without letting him turn the tables and attack her for snooping. Since she didn't intentionally snoop, but her snooping raised some red flags, the topic of this discussion must be the uncovered evidence, not the snooping.
Which raised another question: Is snooping okay, as long as one finds something? Well, seems there is snooping, and there is snooping. While spouses still have a right to privacy, their lives are enmeshed together to such a degree that they should expect the partner to stumble on significant evidence of cheating, if it exists, in the course of normal activities, such as paying the bills. Under these circumstances, following one's intuition to protect one's interests is justified, and has been proven right on the money, time and time again.
The moral of this discussion can be tied into other similar discussions addressing the pros and cons of such "snooping" as background checks or reverse phone lookup directory vs trust. No matter how you look at it, our first responsibility is to ourselves, not the significant other who has the power to deceive and hurt us. In the case of the woman who stumbled upon suspicious phone activity, if her husband is innocent, a frank discussion may produce a reasonable explanation and strengthen their mutual trust as a result. If you look at it this way, certain healthy snooping may even be encouraged. There! Now that our conscience is clean, we all have carte blanche when it comes to such activities as a reverse phone lookup.
